Speak Someone's Name to God

Today I talked with a very good friend. And she shared with me of a heartache a friend of hers is going through. And I was reminded of how many are really hurting. I think my life is hard. I think I have problems. And it is, and I do. But there are others out there who are hurting so much more than me--who's hurts tonight are literally taking their very breath away. And God has laid on my heart a passion for those people--those women--for what they are facing. That passion right now is just to pray for them. To lift up their brokenness before God and nothing else. Tonight I did just that. I lifted up three of these women in prayer. I pictured each one before the Throne. And as I did I felt deeply for where they are in their journeys of grief. My heart aches for these women. For a hurt I have only shared on a much smaller level.

I hope everyone who reads this will take the time to pray fervently for someone who is hurting in a way they can't even imagine. It is easy to get caught up in my life with all the rushing and chaos and deadlines and busyness. But I hope God continues to lay these women, and other women like them, on my heart to be lifted to Him. It is hard on some level because I can rarely do so without blinking back tears. But I think that's how it's supposed to be. So I'm just wondering if there's someone who's tears you are sharing in--someone you're crying for--or crying out for? I hope so. I hope those of us who are not currently facing such heartwrenching circumstances are trying to share in someone else's burden some way, somehow.

And for those of you who read this who are feeling that hurt--who are facing a road of grief that is gripping--I pray that there is someone out there lifing your heart in prayer when you feel unable to do so yourself. And if you're not sure, please leave a comment here (annonymous if you'd like) and know someone will be praying from this point forward.

Really, what higher calling is there than to simply speak someone's name to God?

Holding On and Letting Go

It's been over two months since my last post. There are reasons I needed to step away from sharing but I won't elaborate on those . . . what's important to me is that I'm back on track somewhat now so here goes . . .

I'm still working on the "restored" thing. I wonder if I'm not alone in something: There's one area of my life that is completely and utterly un-restored. Not because it can't be or shouldn't be, but because I haven't let it be. Don't get me wrong, there are LOTS of areas of my life needing to be restored. But this one area stands out far above the rest.

I'd like to say I've tried giving it to Him. I have tried it just enough to tell myself that I've tried it. Make sense? But in reality it's still mine. I keep a tight hold on it. And I can't figure out exactly why.

It's not like it's doing me any good. Just the opposite. But there's something about this struggle--this baggage--that speaks to something at the very core of me. Something happened recently that brought it flooding back. And whatever handle I thought I had on it was ripped away in an instant. Funny how we think we have a hold on something that in reality holds us instead.

I feel like Paul. Wanting to do something but not wanting to do it at the same time. Knowing the right thing to do but avoiding it with everything I have in me. Sometimes I feel like I'll struggle with this till I'm 90. Maybe I will. Is this my "thorn"? I'm not sure I even understand that passage of Scripture.

Sorry for all the ambiguity tonight, but I guess part of this struggle, this baggage, is that it keeps itself well hidden. Only lets me say so much. Wants to remain in the shadows. Typing that just now sparked me to run a search on "light" and "darkness"--1 Cor. 4:5 ". . . wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkenss and will expose the motives of mens hearts." All I can say to that is yikes! I have some work to do . . . or should I say I have some work to let God do. Hm . . .